The Heartbreak.....

 I was never like this before and my friends are testimony to that. I was just this normal college going guy who would mind his own business, scum around with his friends, watch Messi flick a goal over Casillas or Sachin screw up the bowlers and retire back to bed after each lazy day. But since the day I saw you, my world had turned upside down and I mean it.

That was a Wednesday when I noticed you among all the other girls. I don’t know, but I think it was the grace with which you filled your feminity or the serenity in your actions that injected a viral and desperate sense of tranquility in my mind. And I myself stand witness to the fact that not a day has gone past since then when I have not thought about you before going to sleep. Don’t think I am ranting like Shahrukh Khan in his usual romantic flicks, but when I close my eyes, the first thing that comes to my mind is your smiling face. And I had tried to get over that feeling initially by using many means but none of them worked. But I must admit, that unknown to me, the uncontrollable teenager in myself who was waiting for the slightest initializations to go astray and wander like a cursed soul, had started to love this amazing occurrence. How blessed is your face! Rosy cheeks, gleaming eyes with intensity and feminine determination, the most warming smile revealing what looks like a set of the worlds most shiny and silvery pearls, your voice is like a masterpiece of eloquently stitched symphonies that would put even the great Beethoven to shame. It gives me the strength to challenge the world’s most potent atheist who disbelieves in the sheer existence of God!

Sometimes my friends believe that I have metamorphosed into a pathological lunatic from a normally quiet and understandable individual. Of course I have revealed to them about your identity since I had the sole belief that this would not go out of bounds. That would surely be an unpardonable breach of confidence on their part.

Are you aware that my grades have started to stoop low and you are the only reason behind it? I come early everyday and stand besides the college gates hoping to meet you and take the walk to the classroom in your companionship. Each day I try to muster the courage needed for that priceless walk to eternity. But sadly my already mediocre confidence diminishes with every passing millisecond. So much so that I feel like a fool standing there expecting your timely arrival. I feel synonymous with the young child who thinks he can gulp up whole of the vast oceanic expanse in a mere tumbler. Sad and dejected I give up my try with a resolve to make it the next day. My experiments in the laboratory frequently go wrong. Thats because my gaze is fixed at your ethereal charm rather than the apparatus. Even though I cuss myself and bring back the concentration, my ever wandering eyes let me down.

I am oblivious to what the teacher preaches in the class as I steal glances to look at you without the knowledge of my friends or for that matter even you. Now since we have started talking to each other, every word that you speak and every smile that you emanate feels specially propagated towards me and only for me. There is elegance in your talk, hypnotism in your smile and an sense of mysticism in your methods. It all made my imbecile mind believe that you reciprocate my feelings the same way I do. Thats the fault of my logic starved brain which believes that a movement in any direction is a sign of progress. How insane!  I have gone so mad for you that I can’t bear to see you talk to any one, even for the most professional reasons. But having said that these are the moments which make realize the hard truth of the misery I am facing. It comes as a slap to my face as I realize that I mean nothing to you, that you probably even don’t have the slightest clue that you have made life a living hell for me. This whole love thing is crumbling up my insides and with great pain I have declared to myself that I want you to pass out of my life just as a mere tree in the long road through the journey of life.
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Its been eight months of infatuation trauma for me. I still remember the day when I discovered that you were in a relationship with someone. Whoever he is, I have all the belief that he is the luckiest guy on this planet. That day, enduring great scars to my heart I threw out all thoughts about you into the darkest corner of my mind from where I hoped your memories would never be retrievable. Invariably out of the blues a famous poem by Miguel Otero Silva echoed in my ears.

"I heard her feet walk away from me
 And sensed dusk in my face
 My heart swaying between her and the street,
 I dont know from where I found the strength
 to free myself from her eyes
 to slip from her arms
 I walked, crying through rain and glass
 clouded with grief and tears
 To the loneliness that awaited me."